I drank 4 pre-poured shots of vodka last night. (Pre-pour: that's my version of trying to stay under control.) Then, I couldn't sleep so I went back to the kitchen and proceeded to drink the remainder of a pint. I woke up this morning sick. I had a hellish hangover - at a minimum. I've had diahrrea all day. I am on the edge of throwing up even now - at 3 in the afternoon.
In addition to being sick from the alcohol - I've had 2 breakfast burritos, a roast beef sandwich, mozz sticks and 4 cokes today. I hate myself today. The drink-fest from last night caused me to spin out of control with food today. I am so sick I want to go back to bed and just sleep until this ugliness wears off. But I can't. I am working until late. And I am supposed to go out to dinner with my husband. I want to puke.
"They" say take one day at a time. I am but everyday is awful. I am so depressed over this. But I have to act like I'm not. Everyone around me thinks I am so strong. I am not. I am weak. An addict.
This is a blog about my addicted life. I am a former athlete. I was in fabulous shape until a few years ago when I suffered an injury, a job loss and a separation all in the same year. I went from excessive exercise and an obsession to be fit and eat right - to a nearly obese alcoholic who is completely out of control. And hiding it from everyone. I think... This is my journal about trying to get this situation under control.
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